Insurers Decide, Out Of The Kindness Of Their Hearts, To Start Covering Children With Pre-existing Conditions
The New York Times reports that America’s health insurance industry has finally agreed to cover children with pre-existing conditions without dropping them from their families’ plans or forcing them out of coverage with absurd rate hikes. Their sudden divergence from the status quo can only be attributed to the fact that the industry must really, really love children, and have finally recognized what they’ve been doing wrong all these years.
The policy shift certainly couldn’t have anything to do with the new provision in the health care bill that “requires insurance companies to cover children with preexisting conditions.” This seems to be a coincidence at best. Ignore the cynics who scoff that this sudden change of heart – a decision to make the obvious moral choice – would of course only come if the government literally forced them to do it by threatening legal action. These bitter people are missing an important point – these companies truly love children, unconditionally (get it?)
In a statement to the press, Karen Ignagni (President of AHIP) happily broke the news of the industry’s compliance with the new measure in the bill. Ignagni also made a point of clarifying that no, their legal teams haven’t been missing for days because they’re holed up in their offices trying to find every possible loophole they can in order to stop covering children again. She then laughed eerily, turned into a bat, and flew away.
-Michael B. Sauter